Bad Food

It's three days after Thanksgiving. In the past few days, with leftovers and whatnot, I've obviously eaten more meat, butter, cheese and sugar than normal. This is par for the course with Thanksgiving appetites, but I already eat a lot of crap. Maybe you're the same way, I don't know. Point is, I thought I'd take a look at the usual amount of bad food I eat through the course of an average week to figure out exactly how close I am to a heartattack. This all started after seeing this video:



My first thought when watching this was, "I could eat that, no problem." With friends, of course. Not by myself. I would probably die. The fat counter is a nice touch, too. Doing the math on the amount of calories and fat for stuff like that is enough to wear you out. By that I mean make you feel like a piece of shit, right before you buy and finish an entire pepperoni pizza by myself. Still, the worst thing I've ever eaten wasn't even a big meal. One time on a break at work, I had a McGriddle. Don't ever do that. If you've never had one, a McGriddle is basically a full pancake breakfast compacted into handheld self-hatred. My manager at the time had four, but he's out of his fucking mind. He had chest pains and felt nauseous afterward, and he's a big dude.

Anyway, let's list what I eat throughout a normal week. Anyone reading this, feel free to tell me if your diet is comparable, worse, or if I'm a shitbag for keeping this up for as long as I can remember.

1. Mornings before work, I'll start with something from Starbucks. Usually a tall hot chocolate and pastry. This might happen a few times a week.

2. For lunch, I'll go to In & Out across the street from my work and get a Double Double. This happens at least twice a week, always the same order.

3. Dinner can be anything from fettucini alfredo over rice or whatever to ordering a large pizza. The pizza is once a week, as is one pint of Ben & Jerry's, usually finished ASAP.

Now that's just the boilerplate stuff; the mainstays. In between all that are the random fast food or restaurant orders, various candy bars, a handful of sodas and eating cookies like they're going out of style. To recap: At least once every week, if not more, I have Starbucks, In & Out, pizza and ice cream. I'm 5' 4", 130 lbs. I weigh a little less than I did in my senior year of high school. My blood pressure is normal. Still, those aren't the only indicators of health, and I should probably get tested for diabetes. I'm still hoping my metabolism doesn't totally fail one day and fuck me in the ass when I'm 35. I guess I'll just watch what I eat from now on. He says.



UPDATE: Okay, I wrote this late last night with the intention of eating healthier from now on. I've since decided to run in the opposite direction and try any ungodly creation that is asked of me. I WILL NOT TURN DOWN A REQUEST. If you have an idea for something that may well kill me in the most delicious way possible, send it my way. I'm easy to find and always looking for ideas for posts. Thanks.