The Road To Nowhere

This Saturday marks the end of an era. I and others like me will bear witness to something we thought impossible. With a flash of blinding light, God will take back his faithful, unwavering flock. All else will suffer and burn in a literal Hell on Earth until October 21st, when the fire finally blinks out of existence.

At least, that's what some worthless people would like you to believe.

The truth, as you know, is no one's going anywhere on May 21st or any other day. At least not by divine intervention. This story of "The Rapture" coming on Saturday was made up and has been maintained by a Christian radio station and internet ministry called Family Radio. The short, short version is that the station's president/figurehead, Harold Camping, made this prediction a couple years ago. Soon after, billboards paid for by Family Radio and private citizens sprang up around the U.S. and in other countries to warn non-believers while advertising the station, which is broadcast in forty languages all over the world. To illustrate Camping's absurd logic, here's the bullshit equation he came up with as "proof" of The Rapture's date. According to him:

1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
6. (5 x 10 x 17)2 or (atonement x completeness x heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Head explode yet? Obviously none of that, save for the sheer arithmetic, maybe, makes any sense. Camping simply made this up out of whole cloth to draw attention to himself and Family Radio. It's a scare tactic; no more, no less. Not only that, he's pulled this before. Many, many times. His last prediction was for September of 1994. When that didn't happen, he made up some excuse about bad calculations and rechristened that day as the start of the "Tribulation Period". I'm assuming he'll do something similarly moronic this time. From what I've read, not even other Christian organizations believe this guy's line of bullshit.

Per Wikipedia: James Kreuger, author of the book Secrets of the Apocalypse - Revealed, has stated that while he believes the rapture is coming, Camping is incorrect in attempting to nail down a date. "For all his learning, Camping makes a classic beginner's mistake when he sets a date for Christ's return," writes Kreuger. "Jesus himself said in Matthew 24:36, 'Of that day and hour knows no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my father only.' "

Regardless, Camping's followers have been adamant about his prediction, some going as far as selling their possessions and spending their life savings in order to have nothing left on May 21st. Here's a short primer on the situation:



What's gonna happen when...nothing happens? Camping will make up some excuse, his followers will accept it and chalk it up to The Lord giving the world another chance or working in mysterious ways. That's how fucking dumb these people are. I do feel sorry for those that have planned their short-term lives around having nothing left after May 21st, though. Maybe Harold Camping can do something for them. After all, he'll be around to help. That is, if they can get to him before he's publicly strung up like Mussolini by his more vengeful former-believers.

Join me next time when I'll explore the other, better side of this ridiculous non-event, the Atheist "Rapture Parties" to be held around the country, including the American Atheists weekend convention in Oakland, CA. See you then.